New Song: Farmer Joe’s
Posted in Call it what you like!, Holiday Special, Nerd Rock on October 30th, 2008 by adminTime for some holiday schtick. Early, for your convenience!
Ahem. Quake in your sheets, Burt Bacharach, we’re breathin’ down your neck.
a grumpy guy who raised great gourds was known as Farmer Joe
the farmer hated children and hated Halloween
to scare away the village kids he hatched a wicked scheme
The greatest gourd he ever grew was larger than a barrel
the farmer used that pumpkin huge but knew not of his peril
with his knife he cut all night, and wrought a gruesome face–
giant fangs and burning eyes, of kindness not a trace
It was Farmer Joe’s Big-Ass Monster Pumpkin
mean product of a grouchy hand
but you know how this kind of story goes
Farmer Joe got more than he planned
The fearful sculpture done, evil visage thus bestowed,
Farmer Joe picked up a hat which blew in off the road
but there must have been some voodoo in that greasy cap he found
For when he dressed the Jack-O-Lantern it devoured him with a bound!
The pumpkin growled, licked his lips, and cackled with delight
With bloody maw and endless hunger he vanished in the night
now trick-or-treaters everywhere are shaking in their shoes
for if you meet this hollow beast, your life you’re gonna lose
He’s Farmer Joe’s Big-Ass Monster Pumpkin
Always lookin’ for someone to eat
On Halloween, watch out at every porch,
or you’ll be the next yummy treat!
As porches proudly put their mangled pumpkins on display
He’s lurking, camouflaged, for tasty costumed prey
The plump kids dressed as farmers are his very favorite kind
and when noone’s looking out, he rolls and grabs them from behind
He’s Farmer Joe’s Big-Ass Monster Pumpkin
gettin’ high on candied meat
On Halloween, watch out at every porch,
or you’ll become a yummy treat!